So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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