Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
