and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
