I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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