I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
