she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The adults are the big ones right?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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