i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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