At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
