I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
