I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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