I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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