so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
