Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
