Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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