You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
