I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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