we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
