O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
