Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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