every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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