Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The power of my boobs compel you
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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