belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
