well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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