can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
