I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
