i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
