And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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