some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
