But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
