I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
