How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
