OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
