remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
