ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
