i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
