today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
