you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
