Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
