He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
