Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
