i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
