i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
