Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
