the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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