You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
