Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
