Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hate your face
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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