Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
