i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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