He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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