I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
