I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
