I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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