dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
