Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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