I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
