I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
