Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
